"Just let me add a little more paprika to this while he's in the bathroom..."
I was recently on one of the cooking chat boards I frequent, and someone posted the question: “Are you a control freak in the kitchen?”. Instantly, I thought of an article a friend sent to me a few years back from The New York Times entitled “He Cooks. She Stews. It’s Love.”, and I had to laugh. Throughout the thread of this board posting, there was a resounding reply of “Yes!” amongst the posters. Grievances ran the gauntlet from relatively mild (the significant other that leaves a trail of mess behind) to technical (lack of proper knife skills,indifference towards foods burned beyond recognition) to personal OCD attacks (using improper measuring apparatus, misuse of specialty ingredient, misprouncing a tool/ingredient/style of cooking) and everything in between. I posted this same article on my local chat board, and the responses were similar, although a few posters noted that they cook well with their significant others, and on the extreme, both were alphas and couldn’t even be in the same room with an open flame together.
I found the thread so amusing as I have been accused of being an alpha in the kitchen. I’m not sure if it stems from my seasons cooking in restaurant kitchens, or my general need to be in control, but I have been making a genuine effort in the past few years to curb some of my alpha tendencies. About two years ago, while attempting to execute a flawless Thanksgiving feast for twelve friends in family in our small townhouse kitchen, my alpha tendencies reared their ugly head. I had done a pretty good job of planning out my menu and working my way through my prep list, all the while doling out tasks to those that I thought could handle them. In spite of this, there were a few moments where I wouldn’t allow a single pot to be touched. At one point while prepping pearl onions (damn you, onion skins!), someone attempted to help or perhaps suggest a better technique (hello, family of alphas), and I’m pretty sure I bared my teeth, snarling “I’m fine- I know what I’m doing!”, and everyone who had been in the kitchen slowly backed out without making eye contact.
I think I have gotten a lot better about my alpha-ness when cooking with my husband, although there are still moments when I catch myself questioning something he’s doing in my head. I have to remind myself that it’s not my dish, and I should be enjoying spending time with him. It’s not that he’s not a good cook- quite the contrary actually- but more so that I just can’t let up that control. For the sake of our marriage, I won’t go into the details of my alpha triggers, but they’re getting better. He used to get frustrated when I wouldn’t let him help me cook, and it wasn’t always that I didn’t want his help, a lot of it had more to do with I was still thinking through recipes in my head, or what task I was doing next. But as I said, I’m working on this. On the positive, now that it’s just the two of us in our little home, we are discovering that we can take turns being the alpha, and let the other person take the helm (I’ve mentioned his prowess for baking, and he’s also stellar at homemade mayonnaise and our new love, sausage making). We’re not perfect, but at least we’re not throwing knives- possibly because we like our knives too much. ;-)
Is there an alpha in your kitchen, or a pair of alphas fighting it out for total kitchen domination? How do you work through your battles for control, or what techniques do you employ to maintain a balance?
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